During the brief liaison that followed, Elaine – half den mother, half disciplinarian – undertook to restore Solvay some sartorial respectability and improve his diet. Nor would she brook any push-back. Even a velleity of resistance to her efforts on his behalf brought forth a stern remonstrance: “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Tubize!”
Through AMYWAY’s offices, he espoused the idea that Descartes’ famous maxim, Cogito, ergo sum (“I think, therefore I am.”) ought give way to Surfito [sic], ergo sum (“I surf, therefore I am.”) For one’s true self, Tubize contended, was only to be discovered by means of an internet search.
Naturally, there were skeptics. Some cautioned that Tubize had “crossed the event horizon of a rabbit hole.” Others less charitable derided him outright as an “unfeasibly gormless idiot.” Yet for thousands of devotees, from IT nerds to fans of the Banzai Pipeline, Surfito, ergo sum became a clarion call to self-discovery. Tubize became a sensation.
Lurking on the Dark Web, however, like the temptation of Christ – awaiting the next errant soul – was an ominous new web address. VoodooSolvay.onion.